Tom Ross: Getting janky with it | SteamboatToday.com

Tom Ross: Getting janky with it

Todd Palin may race Arctic Cats, but Sarah Palin wears a pair of Kawasakis on the bridge of her nose. And Joe Maddon, the boss of the American League Champion Tampa Bay Rays, wears a pair of thick Hugo Boss specs in the dugout.

Is it strictly a coincidence that both have become overnight celebrities?

Palin’s glasses make her look brainy and contemporary, and Maddon’s make him look, well, powerful – like a cross between Aristotle Onassis and Spencer Tracy. They’re so preposterously clunky, they’re actually hip.

Sarah Palin and Joe Maddon don’t have much in common as they head toward the ninth inning of their respective showdowns this autumn. One of the two claims she can see Russia from her favorite hockey rink, and the other thinks he can see a close play at the plate better than the umpire can.

They must be wearing magic glasses. I need to get me some of that mojo.

With all the attention people are paying to the eyeglass fashions of the GOP vice presidential nominee and the skipper of the upstart Rays, I’ve concluded that once again, I’ve missed the boat.

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Palin and Maddon have convinced me that I need to ditch the discount store reading glasses and make a fashion statement with my eyeglasses.

To be precise, Palin is wearing rimless designer glasses by Kazuo Kawasaki. With their irregularly shaped angular lenses and titanium frames, the Kawasaki 704’s retail in the neighborhood of $350, but you can find knockoffs at a sunglass shack for $22.99. But they don’t have the same lens shape as the originals, they’re oval, and they don’t make you look as smart as the genuine Kawasakis.

Joe Maddon’s Hugo Boss eyeglass frames retail for $225, but you should be able to find them for about $180. The lenses are extra. They are available in Joe’s favorite black, as well as opaque olive and dark ruthenium. The latter appears to be a fancy word for brown. Like Sarah’s eyewear, they contain lots of expensive titanium.

If you want to know what style of sunglasses Sarah Palin impersonator Tina Fey really wears, you need look no further than framesdirect.com, where there is an entire blog devoted to paparazzi shots showing which eyeglasses and shades the stars are wearing this month.

You’ll quickly discover that today’s ultra chic sunglass designers favor model names that make their glasses sound like vintage European race cars.

Fey flashed her smile while wearing Persol P8 270s. The divine Alicia Keys favors the oversized lenses of the Karl Lagerfeld KL108S.

Brooke Shields, currently starring in the primetime drama “Lipstick Jungle,” favors the Emilio Pucci EP608S. They sound like they should come with an exotic V-12 engine.

Personally, I find myself drawn to the current shades being worn by the actor Ice Cube – the Badgley Mischika Couture Eyewear Bernadette. Mr. Cube has promised to wear them in his upcoming film, “Janky Promoters.”

You’ve got to know that I’ve been feeling pretty janky lately. Perhaps a pair of $750 sunglasses is just what I need to shed my janky image.

You know, on a very clear winter day from the top of Mount Werner, you can see into Utah. Just be careful not to drop those pricey Badgley Mischika’s from the chairlift on the ridge to the summit.

– To reach Tom Ross, call 871-4205

or e-mail tross@steamboatpilot.com