Joanne Palmer: Repeat after me
“Awww, your baby is so cute.” As soon as this seemingly innocuous comment left my mouth I realized, much to my horror, that I had become “one of them.”
Joanne Palmer: Vultures, hagglers and free birds
As all great garage-salers will tell you, what you set out to find rarely is what you come home with. And as much as I love a bargain, the people-watching is equally fun.
Joanne Palmer: No-hitters from heaven
For her 75th birthday, my mother had only one request: To throw out the opening pitch at Wrigley Field. “I’ll start practicing while you arrange it,” she said matter-of-factly. My friends thought the request odd. Couldn’t you take her to lunch instead? Well, no.
Joanne Palmer: Letting go and moving on
In this week's column, I decided to develop my own Laws of Moving Physics to help any of you facing a move in the near future.
Joanne Palmer: Decorating, Steamboat-style
The other night, I started thinking about decorating, Steamboat-style. I think we furnish our homes differently from the rest of the country.
Joanne Palmer: Celebrating the universal extension
Procrastinators rejoice! The IRS has granted you a two-day extension for filing your taxes. Yes, you have two more days to delay.
Joanne Palmer: Hope for a winning ticket
Last week’s $656 million Mega Million jackpot inspired hope in millions of Americans. According to USA Today, Americans spent $1.5 billion on tickets — but the odds of winning were 1 in 176 million.
Joanne Palmer: Things that confuse me
Here is a partial list of all the things that confuse me. Let me know if any of them confuse you, too.
Joanne Palmer: Hug a ski patroller today
The social media hub in our beautiful little town is located about 9,000 feet above sea level in a place lovingly referred to as PHQ — ski patrol headquarters.
Joanne Palmer: No fun with fashion faux pas
Unable to find a set of keys I really, really needed, I launched a search worthy of Scotland Yard. After looking in the car, coat pockets and hall closet, there was only one place left to look: my closet.
Joanne Palmer: It's time to make a difference
I challenge each and every one of you to make a difference. For the next week, ask yourself, “What can I do to help someone else?”
Joanne Palmer: My itchy trigger finger
Just as I finished eating one of my all-time favorite meals (bread and butter), I opened an email from my sister encouraging me to read a review of the new diet book “Bread is the Devil: Win the Weight Loss Battle by Taking Control of Your Diet Demons” by Heather Bauer and Kathy Matthews.
Joanne Palmer: I’m addicted to Google
Google has got me in its clutches, and I can’t escape. I am a compulsive Google Girl. I love Google. I am obsessed with Google. I am completely and utterly hooked on it.
Joanne Palmer: Talking part of the trouble with teens
We are on the set of Steamboat’s newest reality TV show, “Who Wants to Live with a Teenager?” We are going to zoom in for a close look at actual dialogue between a mother and her teenage son.
Joanne Palmer: Lost puppy dogs and Tebow
If you ever want to see a forlorn, lost-puppy-dog look come over a man’s face, give him a Saturday without football.
Joanne Palmer: You talking to me?
The last thing I need at 5:30 a.m when I reach for my half and half is some sassy refrigerator telling me I’ve made an unhealthy food choice.
Joanne Palmer: Cleaning the clutter for the new year
For months, I have used one-half of the dining room table as my desk, which means we are eating dinner amid a pile of mail, calendars and my laptop.
Joanne Palmer: I'm on a complaining diet
I am on a diet! No, not that kind of diet. I am smart enough to know that when it comes to food, I have zero willpower. The diet I’ve embarked on is harder than a food diet.
Joanne Palmer: Giving season extends past holidays
Isn’t the spirit of Christmas about lifting our heads up from the computer screen and away from the smartphone and giving whatever we can?
Joanne Palmer: Creative caroling
Finished with your holiday shopping, gifts all wrapped and nothing to do? Get creative and challenge friends and family to rewrite the lyrics to a Christmas carol with a Steamboat twist.
Joanne Palmer: Tying the Christmas lights knot
Science came to my rescue this weekend. Just as I was about to wrap my beloved mate in a strand of Christmas lights, we called a truce and booted up the computer to do some research.
Joanne Palmer: The ultimate feast of love and friendship
Every Thanksgiving, I give thanks I didn’t steal a turkey. Here's what happened. It’s 1978, and I am a senior in college. My two roommates and I always are broke. We always are hungry.
Joanne Palmer: Creatures of comforting habit
I like to think of myself as a creative person, open to new ideas and willing to try anything once. I’m the kind of person who abhors routine and likes to mix it up a bit and live life on the edge.
Joanne Palmer: Black Friday or sweet dreams?
Every time I try to save money, I end up spending more. I don’t know how it happens.
Joanne Palmer: Insanity never came my way
Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” That did not stop me from repeatedly trying to connect to the Internet and make a phone call during the Verizon Wireless service outage on Halloween.
Joanne Palmer: Mother Nature gives unexpected gifts
Everyone loves a bonus, and this fall we have Mother Nature to thank for giving us an extra big bonus of warm weather.
Joanne Palmer: Mothers, without the dot com
Before there was Google, Ask.com and Wikipedia, there were mothers. I grew up in the age before the Internet, and whenever I had a question, I asked my mother.
Joanne Palmer: Pay attention, pet pleasers
I have such a long list of things I want to do that when I hear about something I have absolutely no interest in I think, “What a relief that I don’t have to add that to my list.”
Joanne Palmer: Whatever you want your car to be
If you want to find out what is going on with your mate, your child or perhaps even your dog, just go for a car ride.
Joanne Palmer: Chocolate willpower
I know that dieting makes me and everyone within a 26-mile radius of me crabby. Having tried, and failed, over the years to diet, I now employ these tried-and-true methods.
Joanne Palmer: Of guns and men
Nothing says “I love you” like a gun. Yes, a gun. Christmas is months away and my 14-year-old son already is badgering me to buy him a gun and put it underneath the tree.
Joanne Palmer: It’s time to pucker up
In my next life, I want to come back as a Pearl Izumi girl. How do you get such a job? What do you put on your resume to land a job such as this? “Career objective: professional smoocher."
Joanne Palmer: Things that make me go ‘hmm’
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: When did everything get so complicated? For example, remote controls. I think there are at least five remotes to our TV. They work for other members of my household but not for me
Joanne Palmer: New rules for an uncool mom
I have my life back, and I don’t want it. Let me explain. My son, the child formerly known as Peter, has morphed into a teenager and doesn’t need me anymore. He prefers hanging out with his peeps instead of me.
Joanne Palmer: Debt ceiling and other confusions
Raise your hand if you understood the debt ceiling debacle. Me neither. Oh my goodness. What a long, drawn-out process.
Joanne Palmer: Lesson learned as a ‘Nouveau Local’
At a recent dinner party the term “Nouveau Local” came up. The eight of us sitting around the table were all longtime locals, and we were reminiscing about bars gone by. Once upon a time, there was a great bar called the Steamboat Saloon where everyone went post-rodeo to dance with the cowboys.
Joanne Palmer: Casting a spell on summer allergies
I love summer. I do. All winter, I think about the perfect summer weather in the Yampa Valley: cool mornings, warm afternoons, nights that still allow a blanket. I dream about swimming, strawberry rhubarb pie, smoothies, puttering in my garden, planting flowers, eating outside and my favorite hikes.
Joanne Palmer: Fishing with feeling
You bait the hook,” I say to my brother, handing him the fishing pole. It’s part of our unspoken bargain. I get the fishing licenses, drive, untangle the lines, but I can’t bait the hooks. He doesn’t say anything, just takes the pole, opens up the Styrofoam bait box and does it.
Joanne Palmer: Are you a Quart Queen?
If you have more than three quarts of paint in your garage, dust off your tiara and get ready to preside over your kingdom! Few things in life are more confusing than choosing a paint color. Looking at a paint chip in the store is an exercise in futility. Buying a quart of it to take home will be the start of your reign as a Quart Queen
Joanne Palmer: Popularity’s popularity holds strong
The one thing that hasn’t changed is being popular. Being popular, as I recall, consumed my thoughts during most of my waking hours. It was hugely important to me, and judging from conversations with my son, it still seems to matter. A lot. Ugh.
Joanne Palmer: You're great dog, but we need to talk
You still have some room for improvement, let's review your performance
Here at the world headquarters of my property management business, the House Nanny, it is time for performance evaluation of all employees. It is an annual review I conduct just to make sure all expectations are clearly defined and everyone is working up to their full potential.
Joanne Palmer: Ride the Rockies, through a newbie’s eyes
I'm already ready for next year
Click-clack. Click-clack. Click-clack. The fresh smell of morning dew combines with the welcome aroma of coffee. A swirl of yellow, blues and red spins around me. Diesel semitrailers fire up as volunteers finish loading luggage. There is nothing graceful about trying to walk in road bike shoes.
Joanne Palmer: Dad-daughter team returns to Ride the Rockies
As the first rays of morning light filter through their tents, Bob Elken, 78, and his daughter Kari Pollert will crawl out of their sleeping bags, pack up their gear and clip into their pedals for the start of Ride the Rockies. The first stop? Coffee.
Joanne Palmer: Scandals, trivia, news tidbits help brighten the gray
Dear Mother Nature, wasn’t more than 400 inches of snow enough? Do we need even more moisture? Do you like looking at a line of sandbags lining the Yampa River? I am beginning to molt, and I refuse to buy an umbrella. They are probably all sold out anyway.
Joanne Palmer: Feathers leave fishers aflutter
Thanks to a new trend, anglers are finding a plumage shortage
Thanks to a new fad, women are causing some ruffled feathers in the fly-fishing industry. Yup. The fad is feathers. Women, and Steven Tyler on “American Idol,” are wearing feathers in their hair. Plumage producers can’t keep up with the demand. Simply put, there is a feather shortage.
Joanne Palmer: How to survive a lacrosse tournament
Packing, planning and patience are keys to sanity
One of the challenges of living in paradise is that, when it comes to your children’s sporting events, you are light years away from another team.
Joanne Palmer: A mother appreciates her mother
Remember the power of mothers every day
Fourteen years ago, if there were an award for “Exhausted, Confused New Mother,” I would have won. When I wasn’t nursing or changing a diaper, I spent large blocks of time in my bathrobe crying, or sitting on the couch staring vacantly into space.
Joanne Palmer: Keep an eye out for these beach stereotypes
Steamboat’s mass exodus creates a community of refugees
Back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, people sent postcards when they went on vacation. Now, of course, dinosaurs are extinct and so almost are postcards. People can now tweet, text, blog or Facebook their adventures, and post every memorable moment instantly.
Joanne Palmer: Terry cloth-clad electorate is here
The shenanigans have begun. The presidential election is still 20 months away, but presidential hopefuls already are launching websites and personal attacks. I have big news. And I do mean big. There is a new electorate. Bathrobe moms.
Joanne Palmer: Wondering about the weather?
It is time to set the record straight on the weather. No one has a clue. Not me. Not you. And especially not the weather forecasters. The weather, just like a 3-year-old, has a mind of its own. It will do whatever it wants, when it wants.
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