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Joanne Palmer

Stories by Joanne

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Joanne Palmer: Skinny jeans and penguin watching

The last time skinny jeans were in style, I split mine on a dance floor in Niles, Ill. It was in the early ’80s, and I was executing a bold move on a disco dance floor when I heard an unmistakable sound that could mean only one thing — it was time to go home.

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Joanne Palmer: Let me count the ways we love our visitors

Thankfully, thousands of tourists came to town to enjoy Steamboat's abundance of snow in December with the nearly 14,000 people on the mountain on peak days.

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Joanne Palmer: Picking up broken glass

Glass is nearly impossible to clean up. Even if you vacuum, sweep, mop and crawl over the floor looking for the tiniest pieces, a week later you will spot another shard glinting in a corner.

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Joanne Palmer: Dreaming of an iChristmas

There will be no Christmas next year. I have looked into my crystal ball and am here to announce, sadly, that Christmas will only be an app in 2013. The iChristmas app.

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Joanne Palmer: Over the edge of the fiscal cliff

Treat yourself to a digital detox and turn off the news for 24 hours, or longer if you can stand it. Hide your iPads, iPhones and iPods. Turn them off for a few hours.

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Joanne Palmer: Are we not better than this?

It’s been 45 years since schoolyard bullies called my brother “retard,” but every time I hear that word my hands still instinctively curl into fists.

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Joanne Palmer: Gluten free or sanity free?

Poor gluten. No one likes you anymore. It’s getting hard to find a food product that doesn’t have a gluten-free option.

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Joanne Palmer: Tuning out the complaints

Listen to yourself and your friends, and you might be surprised at what you complain about. Is it really a problem? There are people in Steamboat who don’t have enough of the basics.

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Joanne Palmer: Choosing our next leader

Election season is here, and in Canada a cat has decided to get in on the action. Tuxedo Stan, a striking 3-year-old black-and-white cat, is running for mayor of Halifax.

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Joanne Palmer: Want to win? Run unopposed

It was 1972, and I was running for senior class president. I was mad at the school administration, fired up to change things and convinced I could do it as class president.

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Joanne Palmer: Longing for lists

I have a love-hate relationship with lists. I’m more productive when I write them, but I guess a tiny part of me rails against being so busy that I have to create them.

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Joanne Palmer: An attempted rape that still haunts

After U.S. Rep. Todd Akin, R-Mo., made his surprisingly uninformed remarks that implied a woman can’t get pregnant from a “legitimate rape,” I was stunned.

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Joanne Palmer: Shades of guilty pleasure

The dog collar looks good on the dog, but I don’t think it would do much for me. I don’t want to try to look sexy wrapped up in her dog leash, and I certainly do not want to be handcuffed to anything or anyone.

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Joanne Palmer: File it under 'lost'

Have you ever paid attention to what exactly is bouncing around in your brain during a five-minute period? Try it. I think you will find it alarming.

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Joanne Palmer: Mother tongue

Because the dog and the teenager sleep a lot and frequently are unresponsive, I have become adept at reading body language, picking up on nonverbal cues and bribing them with food.

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Joanne Palmer: Make like Andrew Carnegie and support library

Everything in life would be better if it worked like a library. Think about it. A library is built on trust, something that is in short supply these days.

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Joanne Palmer: Finding compassion

Skyscrapers used to be safe. Airplanes used to safe. Movie theaters used to be safe. Then Friday happened.

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Joanne Palmer: All hail Queen Stomach

I’ve come to the startling realization that I spend an alarming amount of time thinking about food.

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Joanne Palmer: Life lessons from my brother

I know what my brother can’t do. He can’t tell time, he has trouble tying his shoes and his reading skills are minimal. But what he can do is inspiring. He never complains, always has a smile and is happy to help out.

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Joanne Palmer: Foodscaping your way to eating bliss

It’s time to give up on mowing, aerating and fertilizing. Instead, lay down some love by transforming your backyard into a salad bar.

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Joanne Palmer: Ignorance and peace of mind

I never worried about my blood pressure, gray hair or insomnia until my son started practicing his driving. Now my neck hurts from swiveling it in every direction looking for pedestrians, cars and motorcycles.

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Joanne Palmer: Repeat after me

“Awww, your baby is so cute.” As soon as this seemingly innocuous comment left my mouth I realized, much to my horror, that I had become “one of them.”

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Joanne Palmer: Vultures, hagglers and free birds

As all great garage-salers will tell you, what you set out to find rarely is what you come home with. And as much as I love a bargain, the people-watching is equally fun.

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Joanne Palmer: No-hitters from heaven

For her 75th birthday, my mother had only one request: To throw out the opening pitch at Wrigley Field. “I’ll start practicing while you arrange it,” she said matter-of-factly. My friends thought the request odd. Couldn’t you take her to lunch instead? Well, no.

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Joanne Palmer: Letting go and moving on

In this week's column, I decided to develop my own Laws of Moving Physics to help any of you facing a move in the near future.

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Joanne Palmer: Decorating, Steamboat-style

The other night, I started thinking about decorating, Steamboat-style. I think we furnish our homes differently from the rest of the country.

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Joanne Palmer: Celebrating the universal extension

Procrastinators rejoice! The IRS has granted you a two-day extension for filing your taxes. Yes, you have two more days to delay.

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Joanne Palmer: Hope for a winning ticket

Last week’s $656 million Mega Million jackpot inspired hope in millions of Americans. According to USA Today, Americans spent $1.5 billion on tickets — but the odds of winning were 1 in 176 million.

Joanne Palmer: Things that confuse me

Here is a partial list of all the things that confuse me. Let me know if any of them confuse you, too.

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Joanne Palmer: Hug a ski patroller today

The social media hub in our beautiful little town is located about 9,000 feet above sea level in a place lovingly referred to as PHQ — ski patrol headquarters.

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Joanne Palmer: No fun with fashion faux pas

Unable to find a set of keys I really, really needed, I launched a search worthy of Scotland Yard. After looking in the car, coat pockets and hall closet, there was only one place left to look: my closet.

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Joanne Palmer: It's time to make a difference

I challenge each and every one of you to make a difference. For the next week, ask yourself, “What can I do to help someone else?”

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Joanne Palmer: My itchy trigger finger

Just as I finished eating one of my all-time favorite meals (bread and butter), I opened an email from my sister encouraging me to read a review of the new diet book “Bread is the Devil: Win the Weight Loss Battle by Taking Control of Your Diet Demons” by Heather Bauer and Kathy Matthews.

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Joanne Palmer: I’m addicted to Google

Google has got me in its clutches, and I can’t escape. I am a compulsive Google Girl. I love Google. I am obsessed with Google. I am completely and utterly hooked on it.

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Joanne Palmer: Talking part of the trouble with teens

We are on the set of Steamboat’s newest reality TV show, “Who Wants to Live with a Teenager?” We are going to zoom in for a close look at actual dialogue between a mother and her teenage son.

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Joanne Palmer: Lost puppy dogs and Tebow

If you ever want to see a forlorn, lost-puppy-dog look come over a man’s face, give him a Saturday without football.

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Joanne Palmer: You talking to me?

The last thing I need at 5:30 a.m when I reach for my half and half is some sassy refrigerator telling me I’ve made an unhealthy food choice.

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Joanne Palmer: Cleaning the clutter for the new year

For months, I have used one-half of the dining room table as my desk, which means we are eating dinner amid a pile of mail, calendars and my laptop.

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Joanne Palmer: I'm on a complaining diet

I am on a diet! No, not that kind of diet. I am smart enough to know that when it comes to food, I have zero willpower. The diet I’ve embarked on is harder than a food diet.

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Joanne Palmer: Giving season extends past holidays

Isn’t the spirit of Christmas about lifting our heads up from the computer screen and away from the smartphone and giving whatever we can?

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Joanne Palmer: Creative caroling

Finished with your holiday shopping, gifts all wrapped and nothing to do? Get creative and challenge friends and family to rewrite the lyrics to a Christmas carol with a Steamboat twist.

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Joanne Palmer: Tying the Christmas lights knot

Science came to my rescue this weekend. Just as I was about to wrap my beloved mate in a strand of Christmas lights, we called a truce and booted up the computer to do some research.

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Joanne Palmer: The ultimate feast of love and friendship

Every Thanksgiving, I give thanks I didn’t steal a turkey. Here's what happened. It’s 1978, and I am a senior in college. My two roommates and I always are broke. We always are hungry.

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Joanne Palmer: Creatures of comforting habit

I like to think of myself as a creative person, open to new ideas and willing to try anything once. I’m the kind of person who abhors routine and likes to mix it up a bit and live life on the edge.

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Joanne Palmer: Black Friday or sweet dreams?

Every time I try to save money, I end up spending more. I don’t know how it happens.

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Joanne Palmer: Insanity never came my way

Albert Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” That did not stop me from repeatedly trying to connect to the Internet and make a phone call during the Verizon Wireless service outage on Halloween.

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Joanne Palmer: Mother Nature gives unexpected gifts

Everyone loves a bonus, and this fall we have Mother Nature to thank for giving us an extra big bonus of warm weather.

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Joanne Palmer: Mothers, without the dot com

Before there was Google, Ask.com and Wikipedia, there were mothers. I grew up in the age before the Internet, and whenever I had a question, I asked my mother.

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Joanne Palmer: Pay attention, pet pleasers

I have such a long list of things I want to do that when I hear about something I have absolutely no interest in I think, “What a relief that I don’t have to add that to my list.”

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Joanne Palmer: Whatever you want your car to be

If you want to find out what is going on with your mate, your child or perhaps even your dog, just go for a car ride.

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