Tom Ross: The presidential candidates are messin’ with the blues
October 22, 2012
Steamboat Springs — Did you watch the final presidential debate last night? Me, too. Sick of all of the political ads dispersed throughout the post-debate analysis on TV? That makes two of us.
There's another piece of good news. I haven't received a single robo call this election cycle. That's what dropping your landline will do for you.
And thank goodness the candidates for president don't have my cellphone number. President Barack Obama already sends my wife letters and comes on like they're old friends from the south side of Chicago. And would she please send money?
Excerpts from a recent letter to my wife from President Obama include: "Judith, everything that brought you into this movement, everything we've achieved and, crucially, all that lies ahead is on the line. … Judith, we've been together for a while now. We've been through so much — and accomplished so much — together. But we've also got so very much to do — and I can't do it alone."
With all respect, President Obama, I don't want you to be alone. But Judith and I have been together longer than you two, and you don't know Judith like I know Judith. So leave that little gal alone.
If the letters weren't enough, now the candidates are messing with my music!
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Just as I settled into a good writing groove at work Monday with my favorite Internet music channel on Pandora, President Obama broke my concentration by slipping in an ad blasting Gov. Mitt Romney for dumping on the 47 percent of Americans who never will vote for him.
This really happened. The president flashed an advertisement on Pandora that criticized Romney for paying a lower tax rate than many Americans, and at the very same time, Eric Clapton was singing "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself" off his live acoustic album. That's creepy. Do you think Pandora planned that?
A few minutes later, I switched to the Buddy Guy channel because all the campaign ads were giving me the blues. Then Buddy started wailing, "The dollar done fell!" from his “Live at the Checkerboard Lounge” album.
Buddy Guy, I feel your pain, brother.
Just then, up pops a Romney ad: "America's Military Strength is vital. Send $5!" Five dollars? Does that buy a bullet?
Shhhhh! The Obama campaign doesn't have my email address at work. It's the Romney campaign that is stuffing my inbox with messages about every campaign appearance imaginable.
If Romney's dog, Seamus, is going to appear in Flagler on Thursday, I'll receive at least one press release reminding me that I'll need to show my press credentials if I want to attend his speech. OK, I made that one up. And it's also not true that Seamus travels to pressers in a kennel strapped to the top of an Escalade.
But it is true that for a small-town reporter, I receive an inordinate number of press releases from Romney HQ.
My inbox shows that on Saturday alone, I received Romney press releases at 7:14 a.m., 9:25 a.m., 10:47 a.m. and 10:55 a.m. At that point, some lady at headquarters named Alison Hawkins took a long lunch break before the press releases resumed at 3:08 p.m. and 3:24 p.m., when the Romney staff went out for an afternoon tea party in Boston.
One of those Saturday press releases alerted me to the fact that Mr. Jeff Foxworthy was attending a Sportsmen's Victory Event at the El Paso Victory Center in Colorado Springs on Saturday morning. That's V for victory.
Foxworthy? The comic who became famous for that hilarious string of jokes that riffed on the line "you might be a redneck if …"? That's a prized endorsement? Doesn't that provide fodder for a lot of inappropriate jokes at the expense of Gov. Romney?
I can't believe the president didn't jump all over that one at last night's foreign policy debate. I'll let you fill in the blank.
To reach Tom Ross, call 970-871-4205 or email tross@SteamboatToday.com