It is ironic that a Steamboat Olympian who has trained hard for decades is the pitchman for a casino that promises instant, effortless wealth.
The two times in my life I gambled in casinos I lost money. But the Hayden casino is different. It will make me rich. I want this casino.
I have been a lawyer here in Steamboat Springs for 26 years, mostly in the area of criminal law. A casino in Routt County will generate more business for me than anything I can think of.
Casinos push alcohol because it lowers inhibitions and clouds judgment. People with lower inhibitions and clouded judgment are more likely to become my clients. More DUI clients. More drug clients. More assault clients. More domestic violence clients. How great will that be? As the number of these cases rise, so will my income. Ka-ching!
Casinos push big, risky bets. Most people who place big risky bets in casinos lose. When they lose, the ripple effect goes right to my bank account. I will have to hire new lawyers in the areas of bankruptcy, foreclosure, divorce and evictions. As these cases increase, so will my bottom line. When the developers say their casino will improve the local economy, they aren’t lying. Jackpot!
More drunken driving, drugs, assaults, domestic violence, bankruptcies, foreclosures, divorces, evictions? What an opportunity!
I plan to invest a portion of my profits in several peripheral businesses: mobile home parks, pawn shops, tattoo studios, “gentleman’s clubs,” massage parlors and gambling addiction treatment centers. These businesses are sure to thrive in a casino environment. If you doubt me, just drive through Nevada.
My friends in the construction industry will make a killing building mansions for all those instant millionaires who are sure to hit the jackpot.
Don’t believe those naysayers who claim that a casino will degrade the quality of life in Routt County. My quality of life will be fantastic. I can’t lose. Build the casino for me.