Steamboat Pilot & Today

Joanne Palmer

Joanne Palmer's Life in the 'Boat column appears Wednesdays in the Steamboat Today. Email her at jpalmer@springsips.com

Find more columns by Palmer here.

Steamboat Springs — This weekend, I went to the sidewalk sale and paid full price for something. While ringing up the sale, the woman said, “You must be a fun person to buy this leopard-print item.” I almost responded, “Is there another choice?” Who wants to be a mean, boring person?

Not me!

I was confused by her remark, which is a perfect segue into this week’s column: things that confuse me. For example: why is the dog’s behavior easier to understand than my teenager’s? Why is the first pancake always a disaster? Why is bread and butter the most satisfying thing on the planet?

I am at the age and stage in my life where I should be an authority. I’ve lived half a century and then some. Shouldn’t that qualify me for sage status and allow me to sit on a mountaintop dispensing advice?

Apparently not.

Here is a partial list of all the things that confuse me. Let me know if any of them confuse you, too.

■ Service people — Why is it that every time something goes wrong at my house, the service person shows up to fix it in a big truck, topped with a couple of ladders and filled with all sorts of pieces and parts but still doesn’t have the part you need? Have you ever looked at all the things inside one of those trucks? They have screws, nails, rubbery seals and probably a border collie for company, but they do not have the one part necessary to fix my appliance. This baffles me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a leaky faucet or a broken pipe, they always have to go to the hardware store.

■ Tattoos — Are you automatically an old lady if you don’t have a tattoo? The other night I was sitting in a restaurant and everyone who worked there had a tattoo. The entire wait staff sported roses, dragons and intricate crosses, and I felt like such a plain Jane.

In my generation, it was only servicemen who came back from Japan with a tattoo, and they were not considered cool at all. But now they are almost as ubiquitous as a cellphones. Someone recently said to a friend of mine, “I mean you’d be OK, but you don’t have any tats or piercings.” Huh.

■ Cellphones — How do you know you are overly dependent on your cellphone? Well, consider this Facebook post from a friend of mine: “My family is so dependent on their cellphones. One of them just called the house from within the house and asked me to bring them some toilet paper.”

■ Exercise — Why is indoor exercise different from outdoor exercise? I have been religiously going to spin class three times per week. During the weekend, I hopped on my road bike and I felt like I’d never pushed a pedal in my life. The next morning, my body let me know all about it.

■ Retirement — I think we have it backwards. I think we should retire and do fun stuff between the ages of 20 and 30 when our bodies are young and functioning properly. At that age in life you don’t need much money and can travel with a backpack and sleep on the floor if necessary. At age 30, start your career and work hard. I think it’s crazy to wait until 65 to travel and have fun.

So, whatever your age, get out there and do something fun today, though if you choose to ride your bike outside, let me know if you feel it in the morning.