Tom Ross

Tom Ross

Tom Ross: Welcome to Blurb — the e-mail offer of a lifetime

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Tom Ross

Tom Ross' column appears in Steamboat Today. Contact him at 970-871-4205 or tross@SteamboatToday.com.

Find more columns by Tom here.

— We didn’t receive a single phone call at my house from President Barack Obama this fall and that was just fine. Not that I wouldn’t look forward to speaking with the president in person someday, but we dropped our land line just in time to avoid political robo calls.

Now I find myself increasingly bombarded by marketing messages from companies and organizations I maintain only a mild interest in. To sum up my feelings, if I ever find out who the guy is at Orbitz who keeps pitching me cut rate airfares to Rapid City, I’ll send him into orbit.

The Orbitz man was in touch recently to let me know that I could fly from Salt Lake City to London roundtrip for $720. I guess that’s a deal. But I’m not going to London — I don’t speak the language.

On Nov. 9, I received an e-mail from the “Blurb Community.” It read: “Welcome to Blurb.”

Hey Bub, where is Blurb? Is Blurb a suburb of Burbank? Cut the blab.

I treasure my subscription to National Geographic magazine, but lately they’ve joined in the promotional e-mail onslaught. When I was careless enough to click on the Web link promoting their documentary, “Migrations,” I found myself watching a video touting the performance of air bags in Honda automobiles. I had a vision of thousands of Accords bouncing across the Serengeti in tight formation — with their airbags exploding.

I quickly migrated to another Web page.

I subscribe to Men’s Journal magazine because I enjoy their pieces on adventure travel, but their never-ending articles about $5,000 wristwatches give me an inferiority complex. Now they are sending me e-mails to make it easier for me to purchase Gore-Tex jackets from a company called Arc’teryx. The company is named after a crusty little fossilized bird. It’s their logo.

The next subscription notice from Men’s Journal might sit on the side table until it turns to stone.

My friends at The Denver Post got in touch recently to offer me the daily deal. I have just two days, six hours, 41 minutes and 23 seconds to purchase discounted tickets to the Rocky Mountain Toy Train Show. They’re willing to send me tickets to see the Little Engine That Could for $17 instead of the usual $32. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can pass that offer up.

A company called Animoto that helps people make short Web films from their still photographs just invited me to link to their blog, cleverly called Animojo. The sales pitch went just like this:

“Animojo. The secret sauce behind Animoto. Rich, full-bodied, with just a hint of nutmeg — and now for the first time, packaged for general consumption!”

Huh?

I think I’ll stick with chipotle Tabasco sauce if it’s all the same to you, Animojo.

Finally, just today, I received a commercial e-mail with a message I could embrace. Sirius/XM radio wants me to know I have a date with the Boss.

On Monday, Bruce Spring­steen will host a live call-in show on E Street Radio in advance of the release of his new album, “The Promise.”

And the Boss is going take questions from regular guys like me.

Hey Bruce, you know that song “Atlantic City”? The one with the lyric that goes like this?

“Everything dies, baby, that’s a fact

But maybe everything that dies someday comes back

Put your makeup on fix your hair up pretty and meet me tonight in Atlantic City.”

Boss, is that an A minor chord or an E minor chord in there? I thought so. Thanks Boss. No, I won’t try to e-mail you.

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