In 1989, Joanne Palmer left a publishing career in Manhattan and has missed her paycheck ever since. She is a mom, weekly columnist for the Steamboat Pilot & Today, and the owner of a property management company, The House Nanny. Her new book "Life in the 'Boat: How I fell on Warren Miller's skis, cheated on my hairdresser and fought off the Fat Fairy" is now available in local bookstores and online at booklocker.com or amazon.com.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Joanne Palmer's Life in the 'Boat column appears Wednesdays in the Steamboat Today. Email her at email@example.com
Find more columns by Palmer here.
Steamboat Springs ■ To All My Dear Dog Friends:
You’re invited to my annual Howl-i-Day Party on Dec. 23 at 1822 Bow-Wow Drive. I’ve made my guest list and checked it twice — no alpha dogs are in sight! There will be lots of spiked dog-nog, kibble kabobs (no begging for seconds) and our usual holiday howl-a-long. The crazy cat I live with thinks she is having a party the same night, but we can shut her down! Woof! Woof!
New this year: We have adopted a basset hound family that is in need. Six tiny basset babies need a home, so put the word out on DogBook. Please bring a wrapped gift I can deliver to the animal shelter on Dec. 24. Suggestions: Treats, treats, treats, treats. Kibble, kibble, kibble! Not to buy: leashes, collars (shock, choke or otherwise), dog dishes and brushes.
We will play all of our favorite holiday games: Race to the Toilet Bowl, Present Sniffing, and Pin the Tail on the Cat.
■ To All My Dear Cat Friends:
You are invited to my annual Meow Mixer on Dec. 23 at the Cat House, 1822 Feline Drive. The dumb dog I live with thinks he is having a party the same night, but I’ll take care of him. Cats rule; dogs drool. Catnip Catering will provide the food, and the ever-popular duet, Siamese Twins, will entertain us.
We certainly will not be playing any insipid holiday games, but we will try to climb the Christmas tree. Sharpen your claws, and please practice at home a few times so we don’t knock the tree over like we did last year.
Presents? Purr-fectly acceptable, my dahlings.
Party begins at 6 p.m. Plan to be naughty, not nice.
■ To All My Dear Mouse Friends:
Eek! Time for my annual ChrisMouse party. Let’s rock the house and par-tah like mouse stars. Place: 1822 MouseTail Lane. Bring your family, friends and a side dish. I’ll have cheese fondue, of course. We will have a gift exchange. Please bring one small “white elephant” type of gift (yes, something you swiped from the pantry is perfectly acceptable), and we will exchange little gifties.
Oh yes, the dumb dog and crazy cat who live upstairs think they are having a party on the same night, but they haven’t seen anything yet!
■ To All My Dear Reindeer Friends:
Let’s crash a holiday party on Dec. 23 at 1822 Hill St. We need to carbo load before the big night. My menu will feature: pasta, bread, mac and cheese, bread, candy cane cake and bread. Because of the recession, Santa’s sleigh is not as heavy, but we still need to be strong enough to pull it.
I have not invited the elves. Last year, they told the same joke over and over (What would a reindeer do if it lost its tail? She’d go to a “re-tail” shop for a new one!) They were hopeless at Reindeer Trivia and hogged the karaoke machine all night. Anyway, some other animals are scheduled to have a party at this house on the same night, and I thought we could join in the fun.
■ The Steamboat Pilot & Today Police Blotter
Wednesday, Dec. 23
1:14 a.m. Steamboat Springs police were called to a report of dogs at large in the 1800 block of Hill Street. Dogs were gone when officers arrived.
1:15 a.m. Police were called to a report of cats at large in the 1800 block of Hill Street. Cats were gone when officers arrived.
1:16 a.m. Police were called to a report of mice at large in the 1800 block of Hill Street. Mice were gone when officers arrived.
1:17 a.m. Police were called to a report of reindeer at large in the 1800 block of Hill Street. Reindeer were gone when police arrived.