Tom Ross' column appears in Steamboat Today. Contact him at 970-871-4205 or tross@SteamboatToday.com.
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The World Series is less than five days away and to my knowledge, our beloved Colorado Rock-heads don't have an official World Championship song.
In an attempt to rectify that situation, I've delved into the song-writing catalogues of some notable rock stars to find out if any of their lyrics could possibly be adapted to suit the "Lords of LoDo."
Neil Young came to mind immediately. After all, isn't he the guy who promised us the "Rockies roll can never die?"
Here goes nothing:
My my, hey hey
Rockies streak can never die
It's better to pitch out, than it is to balk
My my, hey hey
Hold on just one minute. Before the official scorer writes down that error on the column writer, give John Mellencamp a chance at the save. Mellencamp, whose middle named used to be Cougar, knows the Rockies are America's team.
So, imagine Matt Holliday banging a snare drum with his bat and singing this one to the tune of R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A:
"Pitching gems from nowhere and homers that rained on Lo-Do
Filled our heads full of dreams, and turned our world up-side down"
"There was Manny Corpas, Garret Atkins, Todd Helton (They were Rockies!)
Brian Fuentes, Jamey Carroll, Matt Herges (They were Rockies!)
Spotlight on Kazuo Matsui, let's don't forget Brad Haw-w-w-pe
Rockies in the U.S.A."
Paul Simon has a contribution seemingly written specifically for Rockies catcher Yorvit Torrealba. I don't know if Yorvit can sing, but the tune is borrowed from Simon's existential lament, "I am a Rock,"
"I have my catcher's mask
And my chest protector to protect me
I am shie-el-ded in my ar-r-r-mor
Squatting behind the plate, no base runner is safe
I tag each one and no one gets by me
I am a Rockie!
I am an i-i-i-is-land"
"And a Rockie feels no pain;
And a ball player never cries."
I figured Kid Rock, whom I hear is making a comeback, would be a natural to sing Gold Bless America during the seventh inning stretch at a World Series game in Coors Field. But that was before I Googled Mr. Rock's song lyrics. Mr. Rock said a bad, bad word.
Kid Rock - your name might be perfect for this column, but you've launched too many foul balls. In fact, I think the home plate umpire just tossed you!
Crackerjack copy editors Amanda Fuerte and Michelle Finkler suggested a Rockies anthem based on an adaptation of the Kiss classic "Rock & Roll All Night."
It goes like this -
"You show us every pitch you've got
You keep on swingin' for the fences and the stadium gets hot
You drive in runs, we'll drive you crazy"
"I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day
The Rockies gonna hit and run, and sweep every game"
Finally, sports reporter Dave Shively tosses a little head banging by the Scorpions into the mix. Shively wants to be certain the Rockies dispatch either American league contender with the force of a Class Five Hurricane:
"The ump is calling
Balls and strikes
The team is hungry
They're in 'The Show'
On the hunt tonight
For a World Series Win"
"Here I am, rock you like a hurricane
Here I am, rock you like a hurricane"
If you think you can top that one, post your lyrics beneath this column at steamboatpilot.com
We promise to hum along.