Joanne Palmer: Ready : set : snow!

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With the change of season comes a long to-do list of things to get done before the snow flies. In case you need a reminder, I'll share my list with you.

1. Try on ski clothes. Discover you packed them with shrinks-a-lot moth balls and they did indeed shrink. Donate to thrift shop and go on a shopping spree.

2. Put away pop-up camper. Discover all friends with barns or extra space in their garage are not answering their phone or are suddenly stricken with laryngitis. Forced to pay actual money and rent a storage spot 50 miles away, I discovered that backing a pop-up camper into a small parking spot offers a true test of a relationship.

"I can't read your mind," my boyfriend barked out the window at me.

"Turn the wheel the opposite way you want to go," I yelled back.

"You look like a frog on a lily pad. Get your hands out of your pockets and use hand signals."

A frog on a lily pad? Did he think I was going to look like Julia Roberts in a parking lot? At this point I'm laughing so hard I can only manage: "It's cold out here."

Despite my impressive hand signals (my next career could be at the airport backing in jumbo 747s), we did what any self-respecting couple would do - unhitched the camper and pushed it into the darn parking spot!

3. Put snow tires on car. On the first cold snowy day of the year, I suffer from a condition known as P.T.S.T.D. - Post-traumatic Snow Tire Disorder. This affliction strikes me the minute I stop at a traffic light. There I sit, a perfect target for a driver in denial who has not put on their snow tires. There is nothing - repeat, nothing - more frightening than sitting at a traffic light and watching a car approach in my rearview mirror. As I watch the car inch closer and closer to my bumper, my palms get clammy and my heart races. The world spins in slow motion and all I can think is: "Dooooo theeeeey haaaaaave theeeeeir snoooow tiiiiires oooooon?"

4. Daylight Savings Time. Everyone knows you can't turn back the hands of time, especially when they are digital hands. Nonetheless, once a year I am forced to do so. This makes me absolutely goony-bird insane. For hours I ask everyone I know, "What time is it? Is that the right time? Is it new time or old time?" If I'm not asking, I'm looking at clocks in the house trying to remember if I turned them back or not. After staggering around for a week feeling like I have jet lag, eating at odd hours and putting on my flannel pajamas at 6 p.m., I finally feel adjusted.

5. Change clothes in closet. Stuff shorts and T-shirts in a plastic storage container. This brings me to my plastic container story. I love big storage containers. For people like me who hate to organize, I can stuff everything in there, stash it in the crawl space and delude myself to thinking I'll deal with it in the spring. These containers are rather expensive given the quantities I buy. But the other night (at about 10 p.m. crazy goony-bird time) while walking the dog, someone left 20 clear plastic storage containers on the street with a "Free" sign. Free! Weak with excitement, I sprinted home, grabbed the car and sped back to get them.

6. Face up to the fact that my life must be pretty darn boring to get so excited over plastic containers. I need a vacation! A week at the beach. But before I pack, I have to finish my to-do list.

Comments

LuEtta Loeber 7 years, 1 month ago

Love this column! This woman is right on. I can relate!

Keep it coming Joanne!

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