The Record for Dec. 4

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— Tuesday, Dec. 4

2:10 a.m. A minor in possession of alcohol was reported in the 2300 block of Mount Werner Circle. A Steamboat Springs Police Department officer issued a ticket.

8:33 a.m. A one-vehicle accident was reported at Lincoln Avenue and Third Street, where a pickup slid across traffic and went off the road. The vehicle was gone when officers arrived.

8:55 a.m. A dog at large was reported at Lupine and Tamarack drives. Police were unable to locate the animal.

9:08 a.m. A disturbance was reported in the 1900 block of Shield Drive, where two people had a verbal confrontation. Law enforcement officers took a report.

9:16 a.m. An animal complaint was received from the 1300 block of Lincoln Avenue, where two domesticated ducks were reportedly in need of help. One duck was taken into custody.

9:25 a.m. Four iPods were reported stolen from East Maple Street. The incident is under investigation.

11:13 a.m. A person contacted the Steamboat police to remove himself from the missing persons list associated with recent wildfires in Southern California.

11:13 a.m. A vehicle complaint was received from the 600 block of Yampa Street, where a truck was parked in a no construction vehicle zone.

11:49 a.m. Vandalism was reported in the 1800 block of Steamboat Boulevard, where a home had been damaged by renters.

11:56 a.m. Cattle were reported on the road near mile marker 109 of U.S. Highway 40 near Hayden. The animals were gone when officers arrived.

1:49 p.m. A stray cat was reported in a garage in the 200 block of Willett Court. A live trap was set to contain the animal.

3:02 p.m. A dog at large was reported in the 600 block of Anglers Drive. Officers issued a citation.

3:22 p.m. A dog at large was reported at Elk River Road and Copper Ridge Drive. The dog was gone when police arrived.

3:23 p.m. An animal complaint was received from the 1700 block of Meadows Lane. A pet owner was given a summons for having his or her dog at large.

5:29 p.m. A motor vehicle accident was reported near mile marker 16 of Routt County Road 129 in Clark, where a driver hit two horses. The animals were killed. The driver sustained minor injuries but did not request treatment.

5:46 p.m. A one-vehicle accident was reported at Hilltop Parkway and Sandhill Circle, where a car slid off the road. There were no injuries.

7:16 p.m. Police responded to Seventh Street, where more than a dozen juveniles were throwing snowballs at cars. The parties were warned to stop.

Comments

id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Given that there are three white ducks and one black duck, did this involve a hate crime? Maybe we should call the FBI.

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Was the domesticated duck case a domesticated duck violence case? Was the duck released on bond? Did they put the legal fees on his bill? Were there injuries, or only some ruffled feathers?

It's a shame about the horses hit on CR-129. That road has become a speedway for commuters. The limit is 45 for a reason, and if people obeyed the limit, they would be able to stop without hitting animals in the road.

A couple of random days a week of speed enforcement between town and Hahn's Peak would probably pay for itself.

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thecondoguy1 6 years, 9 months ago

I would be willing to put up bail for the duck, the horse murderer is on his/her own.............

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justathought 6 years, 9 months ago

"Cattle were reported on the road" and "were gone when officers arrived", Had the ducks been as smart as the cows one wouldn't have been taken into custody. id04, It sounds like domesduck violence to me, I wonder if the duck had to be taken to detox. Did the cops read 'em his/her rights? If not he/she will just waddle, or maybe the DA's office will make a plea bargain that won't leave them with egg on their faces this time.

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katrinkakelly 6 years, 9 months ago

I am glad to hear that someone called about the ducks. There are three white and one black duck that are in our "fart park" pond. Wildlife Management should check it out. Will they live, should we feed them? They are not leaving.......................

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

As long as ducks have open water, they can usually survive cold weather. The open water lets them flee from predators (dogs) and get food. Many places have a "bubbler" in a pond or fountain to keep the water ice free for the benefit of the ducks.

It would probably be kind to trap them and relocate them to a warmer location. Or, just eat them. They're only ducks.

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RoxyDad 6 years, 9 months ago

id04sp

You made me laugh out loud.

You post is ducking hilarious!

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CoJustice 6 years, 9 months ago

I am wondering if were going to have to interview 200 of his fowl friends?

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fish 6 years, 9 months ago

I wish someone would have made a video of the arrest.

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cforevereyez 6 years, 9 months ago

What do you feed a duck in custody? Quackers and water.

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summerbird 6 years, 9 months ago

Whoever writes these reports has a sense of humor. Keep it up. (-:

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katrinkakelly 6 years, 9 months ago

Thanks for the bubbler info, id..............I have some back cherry sauce for them!

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

I shot a duck in my pajamas yesterday. How it got into my pajamas, I'll never know!

(With apologies to Groucho Marx as Captain Spalding, the African Explorer).

As cold as it gets around here, they might need a duck house of some sort in addition to the bubbler. Birds can usually survive as long as they have enough food to eat to keep their metabolism fired up, but that might not apply at 20 or 40 below zero. Fish and Game is probably the best source of how to help them, and possibly, also for some tasty recipes.

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RoxyDad 6 years, 9 months ago

There is some good news for the ducks.

I just heard that city council purchased the Iron Duck Inn to house the ducks for the winter.
The Ducks said that it is just to cold to live and work in Steamboat in the winter and without the Iron Duck Inn purchase they would have to move out of Steamboat and go South.

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

Did this duck refuse to take a sobriety test, was it read it's rights and did the police have an interpreter there so it understood its rights? Will he have his own lawyer, or will the public have to foot the bill? Have any witnesses been questioned? Will the other duck sing like a canary? Did he resist arrest? So typical of the paper not to give us the full story!

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CoJustice 6 years, 9 months ago

Id04: You would have to get up at the quack of dawn to get anything past you. After reviewing your post regarding bubbles, the arrest and custody issues, I was able to review the case involving the duck. The Court transcripts go as follows.

Three ducks went into Routt County court. The judge called the first one to the stand.

"What is your name?" he asked.

"Quack." the duck answered.

"And why were you arrested?" the judge asked.

"I was stepping on bubbles.," he answered.

The judge didn't see anything wrong with that, so he dismissed the duck and called up the next one.

"What's your name?" he asked.

"Quack," the duck answered.

"Why were you arrested?" the Judge asked.

"I was stepping on bubbles." the duck replied.

Again, the judge saw nothing offensive, so he called up the next duck.

"What's your name?? No wait, let me guess, Quack." he said.

"No," said the duck, "My name is Bubbles."

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cforevereyez 6 years, 9 months ago

Was that duck taken into custody because he was eating garbage out of a dumpster?

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

The way I heard it, it was about blowing bubbles in public.

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

We used to have some ducks that stayed at the pond out at Loudy-Simpson Park all winter. There was open water for them and someone was always taking food out to them. They didn't croak, and they were there for several winters.

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RoxyDad 6 years, 9 months ago

I think I'll change my name to Bubbles...... Oh no, I better not go there.

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mamalion 6 years, 9 months ago

Great posts-I was quacking up the whole time I read this.

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bikegirl 6 years, 9 months ago

so who really calls the cops about this? i mean really?

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CoJustice 6 years, 9 months ago

I heard it was a set up, sounds scandalous. Were going to need a sub rosa type of surveillance.

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

Why did a MIP get a ticket and Duck got arrested? Must have been a pretty serious crime we are talking aboout here. What did he get charged with anyway? The cattle in the road probably herd what happened to the poor duck and didn't want to end up in the same cell. Does that mean they are bigots? A dog owner got a ticket for the dog being at large-what did the dog get? It seems that law enforcement personnel are one sided here.

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Tracy Barnett 6 years, 9 months ago

This has been the most fun set of comments to an article in a very long time. It just proves that not all anonymous commentors have to be negative, and hurtful. id04sp - thanks for brightening my day!

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CoJustice 6 years, 9 months ago

I guess id04 is correct is stating events at the Injustice Center does not mean "Liberty and Justice for All". More like different strokes for different folks.

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Beanie32 6 years, 9 months ago

Nice collection of humor here. I understand there's a writers' strike. If any of you are available, you'd probably quackify for a high-paying job for Jay Leno or Dave Letterman. There is a lot of "food" for thought here.

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1234 6 years, 9 months ago

boy oh boy !!! you guys and gals were pretty funny on this one! sure good to see people have fun. and ido4 you sure made a lot of buddys on this one. and i would have to say you are almost normal, and i mean almost,lol. you seem like a good sport after all. please keep it going if you can

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Ya, see, summer, in comedy, timing is everything.

Use of the word "duck" three times would have disrupted the meter.

By the way, why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?

To lay it on the line!

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Thanks, guys. The only thing I ever wanted for anybody was that we all be treated fairly, pull our own weight, make sure kids get realistic ideas about what it takes to make a living, and step up and do something about the people who use our tax money and state resources (the courts) for personal gain.

I saw one of the ducks in True Value the other day. He asked for a roll of tape. The clerk asked him, "Will that be cash?" The duck answered ------

"Just put it on my bill."

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summerbird 6 years, 9 months ago

How much water from the lithium springs would you have to drink to keep this crowd this mellow all the time?

Hey, maybe that is where the ducks are!

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Gary Wall walked into Kevin Nerney's bar with a duck under his arm.

"That's one hot lucking duck," Nerney thought.

"Hey, Sheriff, how about a drink on the house?" Nerney asked. "I can't sell it, but I can give it away."

"Can't do it," Wall replied. "I'm on duty."

"How about one for the duck, then?" Nerney asked.

"Can't do it," Wall replied. "The duck is on duty too."

"Is that duck a Deputy?" Nerney asked.

"No," Wall replied. "The duck is my new public relations officer."

"Wow," said Nerney. "Does the duck get paid?"

"No," Wall replied. "She lives over on the fart park pond and people are feeding her for free. She's got the best job in town."

"Yeah," Nerney replied. "Is the duck POST certified?"

"No," Wall replied. "She can't pass the driving test. Too short to reach the pedals in the prowler."

"That's too bad," Nerney sympathized. "Hey, do you mind if I hold the duck?"

"Here you go," Wall replied, handing over the duck.

"This duck has some really nice meat on her," Nerney observed, gently prodding the duck. "Are there any more ducks like this looking for a job? I could use a duck like this around here."

"You can go down to the pond and ask," Wall suggested. "There are several more hanging around down there."

So, Wall, Nerney and the duck get in Wall's cruiser and drive down to the pond.

"Hey," Nerney yells when they get to the pond. "Any of you ducks want a job in my bar?"

"No, thanks," the first duck yells back. "I don't have any way to get there since the bus service was cut back."

"Me either," the second duck yells. "It's too far to walk."

"Same here," the third duck chimes in. "I've got a gig posing for a charicature artist down at the art walk."

"Really?" Nerney replies. "How's the pay?"

"They don't pay me," the third duck replies. "I had another job, but they bought out my contract, so now I don't need to work at all."

"That's a pretty good deal," Wall agrees. "Hey, what about you?" Wall yells to the fourth duck. "Would you like to make a few bucks?"

"Yeah," Nerney added. "I'm look for somebody to work in my bar."

"No thanks," the fourth duck replied. "I'm a reporter for the Pilot."

"Really?" Nerney asks.

"Yeah," the duck responds. "I put 'The Record' together for Brent Boyer."

"Got anything interesting for tomorrow?" Wall asks.

"Well," the fourth duck responds, "I just got a tip that somebody called the SSPD and reported spotting a duck with two a$$#oles on Lincoln avenue."

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

id-what kind of meds are you on and can we all get some. Super great posts. When I come here, it just makes my whole day!

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

id-what kind of meds are you on and can we all get some? Super great posts. When I come here, it just makes my whole day!

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dundalk 6 years, 9 months ago

Id...you are simply killing me! Great story.

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Oh, wait . . . that wasn't the punch line. I hit the 3000 character limit.

So (continued) . . . .

Wall looks around nervously and asks, "Are you going to print that in the record?"

"Nah," the fourth duck gripes. "Considering the things that pass for art in this town, it'll probably go in Four Points."

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oofcboy 6 years, 9 months ago

so is it true that william r hearst helped make marajuana illeagle because it cut into his profits for making paper, if he would have thought about he could have made rolling papers instead and been better off then then growing paper for newsletters, just a thought.

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Beanie32 6 years, 9 months ago

That would be just ducky! There would be no ice to fall through. The ducks could shed their down daily because of the thermal springs, and a new much-needed industry could be developed in Steamboat. Down-filled garments and bedding. Just perfect for another winter money-making program for the entrepreneurs. Somebody needs to take this up and feather their nest.

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summerbird 6 years, 9 months ago

He could be on vacation from his job with AFLAC!!!!!!

or

He escaped from the turducken factory in Louisiana.

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katrinkakelly 6 years, 9 months ago

Ala Frozen Duck today..................no bubbler, just frozen ice and one of the whities has been taken into custody.

Call the FBNine !

Wall has been drinking offduty with our ducks and none of them have a license to drive, I mean fly!

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

What do you call a duck smoking a pipe? a quackhead.

Why do they call it "fart park?" because of the fowl smell.

I hear "Aflack" posted the bail.

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

The paper is falling down on the job. No follow up on what the duck was charged with, is he out on bail, was there a plea agreement? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

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Ms_E_Bronte 6 years, 9 months ago

granny ... the duck nor his attorney are talking ...duck told by his attorney to "lay low" ... case probably will be continued ... rumor around town is that the duck was "targeted" and this was a REALLY BIG setup; duck's girlfriend ain't talkin' either. Probably have to ask for a change in venue if and when this gets to court. Maybe we should have the Craig Daily Press send one of their investigative reporters to get the scoop on this one. Or, better yet, call Channel 9 News!!!

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

I hear SSP has issued a warrent for the other three for possession of a class D controlled substance. You guessed it..........., Duck Weed.

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RoxyDad 6 years, 9 months ago

I think I saw the duck on the slopes yesterday. I knew it was the duck because it was wearing a down jacket

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katrinkakelly 6 years, 9 months ago

I think they need some affordable housing and the soup kitchen.

A little hut and some grain would be nice but we would have to go to the city council for a vote.

Maybe the town bought another "without our knowledge" Ironduck Inn that they could lodge at?

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dimwitiguess 6 years, 9 months ago

Has anyone seen Mike Forney? MIIKKEE FOORRNNEEYY where are you?

dimwitiguess

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Beanie32 6 years, 9 months ago

Surely something will be hatched up. It's probably just a ducked-up case anyway. Or Aflac trying to get more publicity using live props. Was this on private property?

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justathought 6 years, 9 months ago

This has been kept quiet too long. I think the duck was taken into custody on trussed up charges to begin with and this close to xmas the poor duck was probably shot trying to escape, we may want to check out Wall's xmas dinner table. Heyyy ducckkkkyyyy, where are you.

justaidiotiguess

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "hey barkeep, has my brother been here today?"

The bartender repiles, "I don't know, what does he look like?"

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

Hey bob-he's the one that looks like a duck-in black and white stripes.

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summerbird 6 years, 9 months ago

All the good duck jokes flew off, this is reduckulous!

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Brant McLaughlin 6 years, 9 months ago

At least the Duck faired better than the bird reported in the Rocord on Wednesday Sept 25th 2002

3:41 p.m. A dead bird was reported in the 900 block of Crawford Avenue. Police checked out the animal and confirmed it was dead.

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Brant McLaughlin 6 years, 9 months ago

Reminds me of another good duck joke I heard. I mean it's not every day you get to throw out your best duck jokes.

After being the only inmate to successfully negotiate the flooded tunnel at the Justice center, the duck is finally released back into the fart park pond by the Sheriff. He walks down Lincoln Avenue to the Double Z and says to the bartender "I'll have a beer". The bartender says "Hey! where did a duck like you come from?" The duck says "I hang out down at fart park pond at night and I work at the library construction site during the day". And the bartender says, "Why are you working a construction job when you could be making millions in the side show at the carnival?" And the duck says "What would the carnival want with a brick laying duck?"

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

You guys are sooo baaaad! It just gets better and better! Don't stop! By the way, what's for Christmas dinner, and who's cooking?

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

A duck walks into a feed store and asks the clerk, "got any duck feed?" The clerk says, "no , we don't have a market for it so we don't sell it." The duck says, "OK" and leaves.

The next day the duck comes back again and asks, "hey buddy, got any duck feed?" Again the clerk says, "no." and the duck leaves.

Next day the duck comes back and asks the clerk again, "hey pal got any duck feed?" The clerk says "listen Mac, I've already told you twice before that we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed, and we never will have duck feed. If you come in here and ask me one more time for duck feed I'm going to nail your ass to the floor!" Once again the duck leaves.

The very next day the duck cames back and says, "hey buddy, ya got any nails?" The clerk replies, "No." The duck responds, "Good, you got any duck feed?"

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

An obese woman walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Where did you find that cow?"

The woman replies, "This isn't a cow, it's a duck!"

Bartender: "I was talking to the duck!"

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Oh, poor bob, you blew it. You have to include the fact that the obese woman has a duck under her arm when she walks into the bar. Go back and look at my story about Gary Wall walking into the bar with a duck under his arm.

In comedy, timing is everything, but the set up has to be right.

This one really happened to a friend of mine. His sister-in-law loved jokes, but could not get them right.

She was down at the car helping to load packages, and somebody told the following joke: "What does it say on Liberace's tombstone?" "I don't know," someone replied. "He was great on the piano, but he sucked on the organ." Hearing this, the woman shrieked in laughter, and ran up to the front porch where my friend was waiting. He asked, "What's so funny?" She replied, "I just heard the greatest joke! What does it say on Elvis Presley's tombstone?"

I rest my case.

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

Three golfers were killed in a car wreck on the way to the golf course. All three ended up in Heaven on the most beautiful golf course they had ever seen. St. Peter greets them and tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but warns them that there is just one rule: Don't hit the ducks! All three look confused until one of them finally asks, "the ducks?" "Yes, " says St. Peter. "There are millions of ducks here walking around eating the grass and if you should happen to hit one he'll start squacking. Then the one next to him will start squacking and before you know it a million ducks will be squacking, quacking, and disrupting the peace and tranquility that we enjoy here. If you hit one you will be punished! Otherwise you can go ahead and play as many holes for as long as you want." Prior to teeing off the men notice that there were indeed millions of ducks on the course, they were everywhere. Within 5 min. one of them hits a duck and the duck starts squacking. The one next to him starts squacking, and before you know it there are a million squacking and quacking ducks making a heck or a racket. St. Peter walks up with an extremely ugly woman and says, "Who hit the duck?" One of the men admitted, "I did!" St. Peter pulled out a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed the man and the ugly woman together and said, "I warned you about hitting the ducks, now you'll be joined together for eternity. After seeing this the other two golfers cautiously played through but within a few min. another duck was hit, the noise was deafening! A couple of min. later St. Peter arrived with an even uglier woman then before and asked "Which one of you hit a duck this time?" Knowing that denying it would do him no good the second man replied, "I did." Once again St. Peter stated, "I told you not to hit the ducks" and handcuffed the two together and said, "Now you'll be handcuffed together for all eternity!" The third golfer while being extremely cautious played on. After seeing what had happened to his two friends he was careful not to even nudge a duck but as the months past he finally hit a duck. St. Peter as before arrived only this time with a drop dead gorgeous woman in tow. Without a word St. Peter smiled at the man, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off. Knowing that he would be handcuffed to the beauty for eternity the man let out a sigh and said, "What have I done to deserve this?" The woman replied, "I don't know about you, but I hit a duck!"

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

alas '04, you're right. Hope you enjoy this one better.

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

Nice to see some good old harmless humor in these posts for a change. I've got some work to do so I'm going to get the duck out of here for now. Have a great day everyone and keep the jokes coming.

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katrinkakelly 6 years, 9 months ago

DUCK REPORT Last week I overheard a man in the Elk River Feed store talking with an employee who told him he could not buy any feed for the ducks because Tracy ?? was feeding them each night and trying to trap them if they do not fly away, even though they have not left in over two months. The next day I saw a couple of guys removing a white dead duck from the ice on the pond. The only footprints in the snow were theirs. A couple of nights later I noticed someone had put up a cardboard box with hay and feed next to the pond. Looks good to me , I thought.............but there was a fox laying in the box last night waiting for dinner!

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

A man is driving down the road with a dozen ducks in the back of his truck when a cop pulls him over. The cop asks-"excuse me sir, but what are you doing with a truck full of ducks? I suggest you take them to the zoo and we'll forget this ever happened!" The man agrees and goes on his merry way. The next day the man is driving down the road with the ducks and the same cop pulls him over. "I thought I told you to take those ducks to the zoo!" he yells. "I did," said the man, "Now we are going to Disneyland!"

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xozboater 6 years, 9 months ago

A guy and a duck walk into a bar. After chugging quite a few beers, the duck, being the smaller of the two , is having trouble holding his liquor and collapses on the bar room floor. The bar tender says to the man "Hey buddy! You can't leave that lyin' there" To which the man replies " That aint a lion, that's a duck"

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

Way to go granny, this post has the potential to become one of the longest and more light hearted posts in some time. A very welcome occurance for many, myself included. Keep 'em coming.

Katrin, on a more somber note, I think that in most instances wildlife are better left to their own devices. While well intentioned, the box with the fox is just another instance of what happens when we humans interfere with the natural order of things. Sad as it may be to some the fox has to eek out an existance just as the ducks do. Unfortunately some well intentioned individual appears to given the fox an edge. On the other hand white ducks are domestic and in this case a helping hand may not be a bad idea. Might not be a bad idea to level the playing field a little by removing the box and not provide the fox with a "hide" or blind.

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id04sp 6 years, 9 months ago

Sadly, there is a reason why domestic ducks do not rule the world.

This poor, deceased, and formerly misguided example of domestic waterfowl serves as a proud example of what Steamboat has come to mean to so many local residents. It looks like a great place to live until you try to get by on the local economy. Then the place eats you alive.

By the way, the fox did not hurt the duck. The fox is a realtor, and was checking the place out for a potential buyer coming into town this weekend.

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justathought 6 years, 9 months ago

Duck displacement but hey, foxes need affordable housing too. Beware of builders erecting more boxes and selling them to the city as affordable duckominiums.

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summerbird 6 years, 9 months ago

These duck jokes are so lame! I am (-: ing anyway.

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

What did the detective duck say to his partner?-"I hope we quack this case."

Who does a duck go see when he gets sick?---A ducktor.

I have two ducks I use as alarm clocks. They wake me up at the quack of dawn.

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Benny 6 years, 9 months ago

..........mmmmmm.........eggnog............mmmmmm............

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

An old woman looked out her kitchen window one morning while making coffee only to notice that her pet duck was lying motionless on the ground. Horrified she put on her housecoat, ran outside and scooped up her beloved pet. Not being able to help the animal she rushed to her car and wisked the duck to the veterinary clinic. She arrived at the clinic with horn blaring and lights flashing. The vet hearing and seeing the commotion met her at the door and immediately rushed her into the examination room. The woman placed the limp, motionless duck on the table. The vet grabbed his stethoscope and listened for signs of life. After a moment or two the vet shook his head sadly and pronounced the duck dead. The poor woman begged the doctor to do something to save her pet and asked, "are you sure he's dead?" "Yes," the vet replied, "I'm sure." Not wanting to believe the vets diagnosis the woman responded, "How can you be so sure? I mean you haven't even done any testing. Maybe he's just in a coma." The vet rolled his eyes back and left the room. A few moments later he returned with a black Labrador retriever. As the woman looked on in amazement the dog stood up on his hind legs and placed his paws on the table. After a couple of sniffs the dog looked at the vet with sad eyes and got down from the table. The vet patted the dog on the head and led him out of the room. In a few minutes he returned with a cat. The cat abruptly jumped up on the table and sniffed the duck. After a couple of sniffs the cat sat down, looked at the vet with sad eyes and meowed softly. The vet patted the cat and carried it out of the room. On returning the vet looked at the woman with remorse and said, "Madam, I'm sorry, but as I said before this is most definately 100 percent certifiably a dead duck." The vet led the woman out of the room and to the front desk. He turned to his computer punched a few keys, printed up a bill and gave it to the woman. The woman while still in shock took the bill. "$350.00! You charged me $350 just to tell me that my duck was dead?" The vet shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I'm sorry Madam, but if you had taken my word for it the first time the bill would only have been $40, but with the lab fee and the cat scan.........."

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Benny 6 years, 9 months ago

only the goose can prosecute the duck and when the duck is arrested the goat must fufill the duck's duties as mother clucker.

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

granny, I had the same reaction, just didn't comment. Too much Christmas cheer maybe? Merry Christmas Benny, easy on the egg nog.

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

'04, I'll have to keep an eye out for realtors with feathers stuck in their teeth. I'm running out of duck jokes folks, I know there's more out there. At any rate, just in case the well has run dry, I'm wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Healthy, Happy, and Joyous New Year!

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

Better Benny, much better. This I understand.

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

How do you get down off a horse? You don't get down off a horse, you get down off a duck!

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grannyrett 6 years, 9 months ago

I love this so much I wish it would never stop. What great fun it has been. Merry Christmas everyone. You too duck-where ever you are.

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

A guy walks into bar with a duck on a tin box. The bartender says, "hey Mac, whats with the duck?" The guy replies, "it's a dancing duck." He sits down, places the box with the duck on it on the bar and sure enough the duck starts dancing his little heart out. Thinking that this curiousity might draw some customers the bartender offers to pick up the bar tab in return for the duck, the man agrees. After a couple of drinks the guy thanks the bartender and heads for the door. The bartender shouts, "Hey Mac! How do you shut this thing off?" The patron replies, "Just lift the lid and blow out the candles."

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colobob 6 years, 9 months ago

Two guys from Arkansas decide to go duck hunting. They gather up all their gear and decide to head out first thing in the morning. Morning arrives and they load up their decoys, and dogs and head out to the swamp. They set up their gear and climb into the blind. After a couple of hours of hunting and without a single duck for their trouble one hunter says to the other, "hey Bubba, I think were doin' somethin' wrong." Bubba replies, "Yeah, and I think I know what it is." "What's that?" says the other hunter. Bubba replies, "We aint throwin them dogs high enough!"

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colowoodsman 6 years, 9 months ago

I've been holding back with this but here goes ; According to loacal law enforcement 'if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck' then it's probably suspected felon James Nicholson who 'ducked' out of the hospital where he was taken for injuries after being arrested after a high speed chase. Nicholson (aka 'the Duck') was "hidding in plain sight" in the 1300 block of Lincoln Ave.and is now in custody according to informed sources. "Now we can finally put an end to all these 'lame duck' jokes " 'quacked' one law enforcement officer.

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katrinkakelly 6 years, 8 months ago

Quakin' up with all the quack addicts a duckin on the cooked goose, Wall!

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colobob 6 years, 8 months ago

A Happy, Healthy, & Prosperous New Year to All!

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