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Steamboat Springs — Weddings are one of the last bastions of tradition, but even that is slowly changing. In her years as a wedding consultant and planner for The Main Event, Jill Waldman has watched trends come and go, but she warns that a wedding is not a free-for-all. There are rules of etiquette for bride, groom and all those invited.

"There are certain guidelines for etiquette when throwing or attending a wedding," Waldman said. It begins with the invitations.

It is important to acknowledge the people who are paying for the wedding on the invitations. If the parents are paying, the wording on the invitation should indicate they are the ones inviting the guests.

If both parents are contributing, the bride's parents' names should be mentioned first, Waldman said.

The wording also should be tailored to the location of the wedding, she said.

"If you are getting married at a church or synagogue, the invitation should request 'the honor of your presence,'" Waldman said. "If it is an outdoor wedding on a ranch, for example, the invitation should request 'the pleasure of your company.'"

The invitation should include the full date, including the year.

"Don't abbreviate," Waldman said.

When it comes to paying for the event, many modern weddings are paid for by the bride and groom, and guidelines of who should pay for what are more nebulous than ever, Waldman said.

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the reception, the dress and anything bridal related. The groom's family should pay for the rehearsal dinner and they can also offer to pay for an element of the wedding such as the flowers or the entertainment.

The groom should pay for the rings, the clergy and the honeymoon.

The bride's family should pay for the invitations.

The etiquette of what to provide at the reception is completely controlled by the budget of the wedding, Waldman said.

"You don't have to offer a meal," she said, "but whatever you have it should be of good quality. If you can't afford a meal, offer upscale hors d'oeuvres."

It is not required to serve alcohol, but alcohol is served at most receptions, Waldman said.

"It's a preference issue and a budget issue," she said. "In my opinion, it is poor form to have a cash bar."

The bride and groom should stay until the last guest leaves.

"Don't leave the party you're hosting," Waldman said. "And the bride and groom should at least make contact with each guest. Say hello to everyone."

Some people have a reception line at large weddings.

For the arriving guests, it is appreciated if they have mailed or dropped off the gift before the wedding, Waldman said. "It's such a crazy day, so it's more of a convenience thing," she said. "But do give a gift. It's inappropriate to attend and not give a gift."

If you are having an out-of-town wedding, it is not required to fly everyone in, but if guests must travel to your wedding, it is appropriate to provide activities for them and make them feel at home, Waldman said.

"At least have gift baskets in their rooms," she said. "And give them an itinerary of the wedding events."

Schedule a get-together of some kind, such as a cocktail party, cookout or a group hike.

If the wedding party is local, this is not necessary.

The bride and groom should be aware that their wedding party nominees, such as the bridesmaids, could incur a big expense while participating in the wedding.

"Bridesmaids get lured into buying dresses and shoes," Waldman said. "Some brides and grooms buy those things, but it is not required. If you can afford it, it's a nice gesture to pay for their hair and makeup and a fun time to spend with your bridesmaids."

It also is customary that the bride and groom buy gifts for the members of their wedding party as a thank you for their participation.

"It's also traditional, if your parents pay, to give them a gift," she said.

Although the bride and groom have many guidelines to keep in mind on the big day, guests also should mind their manners.

Follow the dress code specifications from the invitation.

"If it says formal and you show up in jeans, that is not O.K. Not in Steamboat or anywhere," Waldman said. "It happens here a lot. Some don't care, but when it's your day, you are trying to create your vision of the day. Some people just don't get it."

When the event is over, the bride and groom have a month to write thank you notes, Waldman said.

"You get two weeks for the honeymoon and two weeks to write the thank you notes," she said. The bride and the groom should sign the notes.