Saturday, January 4, 2003
Last New Year's Eve I pledged to give up fast food, drink less soda pop and to hop on the Health Rider for at least 20 minutes a day.
The good news is that I remembered the promise just the other day over a plate of chicken drummers and a Diet Pepsi at the Snow Bowl.
I know what your thinking, but I'm still planning on pulling the Health Rider out of my mother-in-law's basement in a couple of weeks.
Better late than never.
What is it about New Year's anyway?
Why does the dawning of a new year mean we all need to get into better shape and give up those vices that make life more enjoyable?
Why are we forced to watch hours of health club advertisements on television telling us we should exercise more often?
Like I'm going to head down to some health club where everybody looks like they just walked off the set of Body Shapers with my concave chest, pellet gun biceps and beer belly six-pack.
I can picture myself standing next to some guy in Spandex and no shirt that is asking me how many beers you have to drink each week to get a belly, which is as well-defined as mine.
I don't consider myself fat, but when referring to my stomach I prefer to use words like spare tire instead of six-pack.
I would have to let the poor chap down easy by reminding him that it takes a lot of time and hard work to get a belly like mine -- which is not the result of those high-calorie alcoholic beverages.
Mine comes from regular trips to McDonald's and an occasional Dove ice cream bar.
I would have to work out several hours prior to ever walking through the doors of one of those health clubs that advertise on television.
Maybe my resolution should go something like this: "Next year I plan on spending more time with my family, trying to expand my mind by reading more and in my spare time I will work hard to become the next poster child for a health club."
I could work out for 12 hours a day, eat sprouts and rice cakes until I'm sick and never look like one of those happy people in those health club commercials. Honestly, I'm not in that bad of shape, but those people are the reasons we all have to make New Year's resolutions in the first place.
What kind of promises do they make at a New Year's Eve party?
"Hey pal, this year I plan on gaining 30 pounds, drinking more beer and ordering from Domino's Pizza at least twice a week," the guy in Spandex might say at a party.
Not a very good resolution for the normal guy, unless you also want to add telling the truth to the things you plan to do in 2003.
Thanks to those New Year's resolutions, January is a great time to purchase new health equipment, join a health club and make plans for ways to better our lives in the upcoming year.
But unless you are willing to stand by those words for the 11 months that follow January, those resolutions are just words.
So this year, let me be the first to say that I'm not making any new promises to get into better shape, eat well or to join club Spandex.
No, instead, I will promise to keep the promises that I made last New Year's.