Thursday, February 20, 2003
Grooms have notoriously taken the back seat when it comes to planning a wedding.
For some, it's because they care less about elements of the wedding that seem to have no bearing to them, such as the color of the flowers or the type of font on the invitations.
Other grooms fall victim to a bride's family that wants every little bit of the wedding planned to meet their own vision, not giving him a say in the matter.
"I think sometimes the groom can feel left out because he doesn't feel it's his place," said wedding planner Jill Waldman, owners of The Main Event in Steamboat.
Waldman has seen countless grooms and planning scenarios and said the groom's involvement planning the wedding varies for lots of different reasons.
"Traditionally, the groom and his family has certain responsibilities, but those have blurred throughout the years," Waldman said.
Grooms are expected to take care of the rings, pay the clergy, cover the rehearsal dinner and plan and finance the honeymoon.
But it doesn't have to be like that, Waldman said.
"Some guys have a very strong opinion about things. Not about the flowers, but they usually care a whole lot about the band," she said.
Food and beverages also are typically of great concern to the groom, and he should have as much of a say as anyone else, Waldman said. To be sure, planning their wedding is the first of many big decisions that a couple will have to make together.
"I just drag everything out and have them sit down and make them decide together. I mean, this is the beginning of making decisions together," Waldman said.
But having the bride and groom plan together can be a source of conflict.
Traditionally, the focus of the wedding is on the bride. Many brides view their wedding day as the most important day of their lives.
"I think, culturally, women are brought up to go full-steam ahead on their wedding day. For some women, it's something they've been looking forward to their whole life. For men, it's something they decided when they found the right woman," Waldman said.
But the fact of the matter is, it's both the bride and groom's day and if the groom wants to have some control in the planning, it should be respected.
"It should be 50-50. But that doesn't mean the grooms have to do 50 percent of the planning. It means they have to have a say in the decisions," Waldman said.
No matter what the situation may be, Waldman said the most important thing is to agree on the groom's level of involvement and make it clear before planning even begins.