Steamboat Pilot & Today

Steamboat Springs — That was truly a Super Bowl for the ages. They even played some great football between the commercials. Were you rendered as speechless as I was to see how nice Britney Spears looks fully clothed? She could have joined the cast of "Father Knows Best" in that little white cardigan set off by an exquisite string of pearls. Pepsi scored a touchdown with that one. And whoever put together the wardrobe for the commercial should take Britney shopping.

Back to football. We should have known it was New England's night during the pregame show. After watching a string of NFL greats read passages from the Declaration of Independence, and all but one of the living presidents quote Abraham Lincoln, how could anyone expect a team called the Patriots to lose?

And to think, had Bill Belichick listened to John Madden near the end of the game, his team would have played to go into overtime rather than making its courageous drive for the winning field goal.

Heck, if Paul Revere had listened to John Madden, he never would have made his midnight ride. The Minutemen would have stayed home rather than going to Lexington and Concord.

Play for overtime? In the Super Bowl? And I suppose Washington should never have crossed the Delaware.

I wonder why ACE Hardware didn't run one of its John Madden commercials during the Super bowl? Maybe it was because the commercial spots went for as much as $2 million for 30 seconds in the first quarter.

So, what was your favorite Super Bowl commercial? Was it Levi's rubber-legged man jivin' down the street with those uncanny dance moves? Or was it Lipton's rebellious puppets?

I hate to say it, because I think their beer tastes like pond water, but Anheuser-Busch had the best commercials. I think they also had the cheesiest commercial.

The NFL handled its patriotic tribute with class and style. and the only other rock band that could match what Bono and U2 did at halftime is Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. But Anheuser-Busch went right off the smaltz meter when it paraded its Clydesdales into Central Park and had the horses kneel before the stricken city. Give me a break.

Then again, Bud Light seemed to have all of the commercials that made us laugh out loud. The nation's largest brewer started out fast with its takeoff on the television show "Robotica." The ad featured a robot refrigerator containing a cold Bud Light. When the opposing robot reached for the beer, the fridge robot dropped a massive hammer on the enemy. Nine out of 10 15-year-olds gave that commercial a 10.

Bud Light also scored points with a series of spots about dating: There was the guy in the bar who was getting coached through pickup lines by his buddy until he unintentionally repeated the line "so how much?" (for a date) and got karate chopped. We also laughed at the boyfriend who was visiting his girl's parents' house and began describing the daughter's perfect tushie to her parents. "Have you seen it lately?" he asks. And finally, there was the couch potato who wasn't lured upstairs by his wife's description of her black teddy but came running at the mention of a cold beer, dove onto the red satin sheets and went flying out the window.

The best of the bunch might have been the spot featuring a falcon trained to seize cold beers from outdoor cafes.

Come to think of it, all of those commercials amounted to standard physical comedy gags. Could we go back to talking lizards, please?

Easily the strangest commercial during the Super Bowl was E*Trade's spot with the chimp dressed like a leprechaun. But E*Trade got the last laugh on all of us by abruptly pointing out how absurd its own sight gag was and sending the offending chimp into orbit. It was a very clever turn of events, but I'm not certain it inspires me with the confidence needed to trade securities at my home computer.

Perhaps the ad campaign representing the biggest waste of money during the Super Bowl was the one for M-Life whatever that is. We spent the entire game scratching our heads over the commercials, trying to figure out what they were selling. Finally, it was revealed to us during a montage of belly buttons that M-Life is a division of that warm and fuzzy corporate giant AT&T, and belly buttons symbolize a wireless world. I get it, now

The biggest trend that emerged within the Super Bowl spots was represented by the grim commercials that drew a connection between buying drugs and inadvertently funding terrorism, and those pointing out how poisonous cigarette smoke is.

Easily the most pointless commercial was one for the new Mel Gibson movie about crop circles entitled "Signs." It's coming to a theater near you on Aug. 2. I'll hold my breath.

The most obscure commercial was one by Volkswagen that drew some bizarre connection between a nerdy prom couple and a cam shaft. It never got out of first gear.

When it was finally over, Sunday night marked one of those rare occasions when the football game actually eclipsed the commercials.

When was the last time the Super Bowl was won on the final play of the game?

It was a super ending that even the advertising geniuses on Madison Avenue could not have surpassed.

Tom Ross is a longtime Steamboat resident. His column is published every Monday in Steamboat Today.