Life is a cabaret

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— Years ago the suspects were seen in the blazing Inferno at Steamboat's Gondola Square, and since have been noticed in the depths of the underground Cellar Lounge. But in less than 24 hours, rumor has it that Steamboat's Gondola Square is next on the hit list for the suspects to make their enchanting stage presence.

They are operation Cabaret Diosa. And this time, they will be caught on stage.

The band cannot hide from the walls of the fire any longer. Passersby may be seen drinking intoxicating beverages or flailing their arms and legs in a rhythmic motion during this free concert series.

But all who listen are suspects also. Cabaret Diosa has magically indoctrinated music lovers into their cultish hysteria.

Diosa's alter egos will emerge on stage as their theatrical and psychedelic rock persuades the audience to witness their adaptive personas during the evenings at The Cellar Lounge.

The high-energy Latin exotica nine-piece band is not swing or salsa or funk it's a movement that is sensual, exotic, tropical and could be dangerous to your health or the livelihood of American society.

But don't be fooled by the stage names and theatrical skits before their instruments begin screaming in Spanish. Although they want to be psychedelic and free-spirited, but mysterious and eerie, they all live under different identities.

Cabaret Diosa will be armed with microphones, drums, a clarinet, a piano, a trumpet, ukulele, a large bass, saxophones, a flute, an organ, a viola, a coronet and different forms of percussion.

They are considered armed and dangerous you could be brainwashed. This portrayal of a typical Cuban 1950s band may have overpowering influences of the mind, eluding to your own alter ego.

Their mystery lies in the people they become onstage, but they claim a passion for Latin music that is tropical, exotic and sensual. It may be something you want to dance to, but beware of the alter egos. They have been described to other investigators as "Desi Arnez on acid."

One member of the band on guitar and vocals, uses the name Dario Rosa. He once claimed the name Rosa came from the character Mr. Pink in the movie "Reservoir Dogs," to whom he bears a resemblance. However, he would not reveal the real names of the other members.

He would only give their Spanish aliases: Juan del Queso, Montana del Fuego, Miguel Ramos, Don Grandisimo de la Misconcepcion, Arturo Sabado, Pablo de Gallo, Juan de la Selva, Manuel Rabinizmo.

They have been seen going in and out of houses quite frequently in Boulder and frequenting Steamboat for the last five years.

Investigators said they recently saw the band in Cuba, where the group was apparently on a fact-finding secret mission.

"Cuba is one of the wackiest places we've ever seen," Rosa is reported to have said.

Because of the U.S. blockade on trading in Cuba, many other countries also will not trade with the country. Rosa is weary of mentioning the trip, but he was reassured that the subject is confidential to those in Steamboat.

They were seen jamming with several other Cuban musicians, but no official show was ever scheduled. Cabaret Diosa will not confirm any dealings with the Cubans, but only can say that it's top secret.

"All of our stuff is really influenced by old records from Cuba and stuff from America," Rosa said.

During their top secret mission to Cuba, Rosa and other members were seen teaching and playing the Eagles hit "Hotel California" to groups of locals.

"They're obsessed by it. That song seems to represent the sound of America," Rosa said. "But we had to Latinify it a little," Rosa said.

Going through the airport in Mexico City to get to Cuba, band members stopped to make an exchange with Company Segundo, a member of Cuba's famous Buena Vista Social Club. Reports say it was autographs and cordial handshakes. That meeting still is under investigation.

Cabaret Diosa's "loud, insane, drug-induced version" of Buena Vista Social Club's style, is nothing close to the Club's representation of Cuban sounds of the 1950s.

Cabaret Diosa's dangerous rapport with the audience may lead to excited states of energy and laughter similar to radio variety shows from the 1930s.

Sources from Cabaret Diosa have told investigators that the band will be touring to the East Coast in April to perform before groups of suspects in New Orleans and Key West, among other cities.

This mixture of the Latin world and the Polynesian world will collide into an imagery of sounds that create an explosion of Latin dance music. Beware.

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